Post by swampiewolfess on Jan 22, 2008 0:11:34 GMT -5
hosting a howl
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Howl Etiquette and Planning
Following here are some pointers and suggestions for howl hosts and attendees. There are no real rules, and there's nobody to enforce them anyway. They are some advice and suggestions you may want to consider. These are not Werelist rules, they are advice. Not all of these things will apply to all gatherings.
If you are planning a Howl or Gathering:
First off, make sure you know what you are letting yourself in for. These things can take a lot of time, planning, coordination, and even money. Sometimes, people get all excited, and think "Wow! Howls are a great idea! I'll host one next weekend" and immediately announce they're hosting a howl. That rarely works out well.
Make sure that you let people know about it well-enough in advance. For a long howl, or one where people will have to travel or incur expenses, they'll need to know well in advance. People need to save money, get time off of work, make plans, etc.
Check and see if there are any other gatherings at close to the same time. Especially other gatherings in your area. Part of why this resource exists is so that two people don't unknowingly plan a howl one weekend apart in the same place, or at the same time, and wonder why they only have three attendees.
You may want to check and see what parts of the year people are on break, or have time off, etc. And keep in mind, other people will probably be planning stuff during times like Spring Break and summer. There's nothing wrong with overlap, and sometimes, people make it a point to go to one gathering, and then another one that's happening right after, but there's really not a lot of weres, and traditionally, most of us aren't made of money, so we often have to make hard decisions about which gatherings we attend.
If you haven't been to a Howl or other therian gathering before, consider attending one or more, before you try to host your own.
Decide how inclusive you want your gathering to be. Some Howls or gatherings are basically "Open" howls... where people can go to meet folks for the first time, or where attendance is not restricted. Others expect to know people a little better first, or have some specific goal or theme that's not for everyone. Remember though, if it's a private party, it's not a Howl!
Decide whether you can (or will) allow people under 18. It's a hard decision, because there's people under 18 who really deserve to attend a howl, and would benefit themselves and others by attending. I've met some of the finest people I know before they were 18, at Howls. But in some cases, you might want to consider whether there's legal or safety considerations. If some internet stalker sleazes their way into your Howl and hits on a minor, or a 16-year-old sneaks out without telling their parents and shows up at the Howl, or maybe falls off a rock and breaks a limb... remember... you (and maybe other attendees) will be responsible (ethically and/or legally) for that. If you allow minors, make sure that their parents are okay with it, for starters.
Decide whether to allow pets. Not surprisingly, many weres are pet owners. Sometimes, pets are welcome at a Howl, and sometimes, not (especially if it's in a place, like some parks, that doesn't allow them). Make sure people know whether it's okay or not. Sometimes, it ends up being a first-come, first-served basis, because not all pets will get along. I've been to at least one Howl where several people brought their dogs, and the dogs tried to eat each other. I've also been to many howls where people brought their wonderful, charming animal companions, and they were great and things were happy. Just make sure you decide this, and let people know.
Decide where your howl will be. Should be obvious, but you'd be surprised. Sometimes, it's harder than you think to find a place that has everything you need, or which people would like, in a Howl. Obviously, if you are hosting an event at your home, (heaven help you!), it's not an issue. Usually, Howls are held in a park, forest, or other wilderness area. You will want to consider things like how easy it is to find or get to, how far people will have to travel, whether it allows pets, campfires, vehicles, etc. You'll also probably want to consider finding a place where there's things to do, especially for a long howl. Hiking, museums, landmarks... whatever is good for your gathering. Some people have even hosted gatherings where a bunch of people rent a hotel room or three in a city, or camp out in someone's living room.
Decide if there's a specific goal or idea behind your gathering.
Is it a fun, social event? Is it primitive, back-to-nature, no-amenities camping? Is there a spiritual element, or were-specific stuff? Do you want the gathering to be primarily secular? I know of at least one good howl where people are told "leave that metaphysical mumbo-jumbo at home", and another one where the whole point is a focus on the spiritual aspects of being were. Some Howls are just intended to let people relax and meet others, while some are intended to help you get in touch with your "inner animal" by going out into total wilderness, where toilets look like bushes, and there's no place to plug in your CD-player.
Make backup plans, in case something goes awry. I've been to a couple of camping howls where we got in touch with Mother Nature because she tried to drown us with a hurricane, or where some unforeseen event meant that we couldn't use the place we'd planned on. (One howl had to move because the military was unexpectedly using the area for some kind of maneuvers!). Make sure there's some nice backup location, unless you have a really big living room! Some people have willingly offered their living rooms, but an alternate location might be more to your taste.
Consider the importance of knowing who's coming. It's great to say "here's a Howl" and see who shows up. However... there have been a couple of times when a stranger from the internet turned out to be undesirable. (Surprise!). It's a good idea to get to know the folks who might attend, or at least make sure other people know them. It's also a good idea to know who is definitely coming, and when they'll arrive, so that you'll know if someone's missing, or if there's a problem. For instance, at the SE Howl in the past, the ranger station is a couple of miles from the campsite, so it's good to know that someone's coming on a certain day and time, so someone can head up and meet them.
Figure out what people will need in order to attend. This can include things like tents, food and blankets, or it can include fees that a park might charge, or for planned events (For instance: The NC howl folks plan outings to amusement places and towns, so they let attendees know to bring money for rides, shopping, etc.)
Figure out how to handle food. Will there be community meals? Will everyone bring their own food? Do people need to chip in, or bring stuff to eat with? Does food need to be packed in all at once, or is there a place to buy food nearby?
Decide if, and what kind, of activities there will be at your howl. Will there be hiking? Camping? Movies? Fire circles? Drumming? Craft projects? Swimming? Yodeling? Are there attractions in the area, natural or man-made? Some howls host things like Sweat Lodges, or drum circles. Sometimes, folks just sorta sit around socialize, chat, etc. Most howls devote at least one evening to having some kind of round robin discussion about therianthropy, werenames, who people are and what they think, how they decided they were were... that sorta thing.
If you are hosting a Howl, be prepared to take on responsibility. This includes, but is not limited to, planning things out, making sure people know what's expected of them, and making sure there's a time, place, etc. This duty also sometimes includes the unpleasant business of asking someone to leave if they are creating a serious problem. Decide, in advance, how you will deal with it if someone shows up and is unexpectedly so obnoxious, dangerous, or troublesome that they are ruining things for others.
Some general suggestions and advice for Howl Attendees:
First off, and foremost, try to treat others with courtesy, respect, and good manners. That never hurts any social situation.
Make sure you can take care of yourself and your own needs, or alert people to special needs in advance. Don't "surprise" people by not having money to get food, or transportation, or whatever you know you are supposed to bring. Often, people will help cover costs for someone who can't afford things, but it's not fair for you to not make sure that's okay with them in advance.
Don't "surprise" people by bringing your cousin's five-year-old triplets, your barking dog, or that creepy hitchhiker you picked up.
Consider letting your family and friends know where you are, so they don't think you've been kidnapped and call the Highway patrol.
If you are a minor, don't show up at a Howl without your parent's knowledge, permission and consent.
Do not make unwanted advances towards people, or harass them, especially sexually.
Pay attention to the desires of the people around you. Some people in the community are very huggy-touchy-feely, and others tend to remove people's hands at the wrist or shoulder when touched without invitation. Before you decide to have a "scritchfest" on someone, make sure they want that.
Some people like to take pictures, or be in them. But make sure you have permission to take someone's picture, or especially post it somewhere public. Most people don't mind, but some people work in careers where they could suffer negative consequences if a co-worker or boss sees them hanging around with a bunch of "weird people who think they are animals". Other people may not want friends or family, or whoever to see them for whatever reason. Even if you don't like someone's reasons, you should not go taking their pictures without permission. Also, while it may seem "funny" or not make sense, at some gatherings there are things like sweat lodges or other spiritual things, where it's considered inappropriate to take pictures. It's not that they're "secret", but that they are sacred and tradition says that it's not appropriate to take pictures.
Starting fights, attacking other people's wereness, spirituality, or possible lack thereof is considered very rude and improper by pretty much anyone.
Respect other people's persons, belongings, privacy, and personal space.
Let people know you plan on attending, and when you will arrive and depart.
If you promise someone a ride, or anything else, or promise to bring some critical piece of equipment, try not to "flake" on people. Be responsible and make other arrangements if you promise something you really cannot do.
If someone has agreed to give you a ride to or from a gathering, or do you some other important favor, don't make it extra difficult for them, or tread on their good graces. Be where you say you will be, when you say you'll be there. I've known of one or two incidents where someone drove hundreds of miles out of their way to give another person a ride, only to discover that they'd gone elsewhere, gotten another ride, or did something else very rude.
Don't do stupid or obnoxious things that make other people have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Some howls don't allow liquor, and some do, but to my knowledge, there are no howls where it's okay to get drunk, act like a jerk, and throw up on someone's shoes. You'll find rapidly that weres tend to be a group of people to whom that behavior is especially aggravating.
Many howls are held in public parks, or even in people's homes. Respect the rules thereof. Don't do things that will get other people in trouble, like damage public property, or park in the Ranger's spot. Don't light fires where there is a fire ban, or throw trash on the carpet.
Don't show up at a howl and do illegal things that get folks in trouble.
Make sure that the people around you are okay with PDA's (public displays of affection) before you spend the whole time sticking your tongue in your significant other's ear.
If a howl is in a wilderness area, it may be because some people enjoy the wilderness. Make sure that it's not going to drive people crazy before you play your "Beastie Boys" CD, or pound your drums, or yak loudly on your constantly-ringing cell-phone. Sometimes, nobody minds, and sometimes, it makes them want to see if cell-phones, drums, or CD players fit into noses, ears, or other bodily orifices that receive less light.
Again, since many howls are in wilderness areas or parks, it's considered very bad form to leave trash and litter behind you, damage rocks, trees and benches, do graffiti or otherwise leave things worse than you found them. And yes... it's also considered bad form to leave a person's house a mess if they were nice enough to let you in.
(
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Howl Etiquette and Planning
Following here are some pointers and suggestions for howl hosts and attendees. There are no real rules, and there's nobody to enforce them anyway. They are some advice and suggestions you may want to consider. These are not Werelist rules, they are advice. Not all of these things will apply to all gatherings.
If you are planning a Howl or Gathering:
First off, make sure you know what you are letting yourself in for. These things can take a lot of time, planning, coordination, and even money. Sometimes, people get all excited, and think "Wow! Howls are a great idea! I'll host one next weekend" and immediately announce they're hosting a howl. That rarely works out well.
Make sure that you let people know about it well-enough in advance. For a long howl, or one where people will have to travel or incur expenses, they'll need to know well in advance. People need to save money, get time off of work, make plans, etc.
Check and see if there are any other gatherings at close to the same time. Especially other gatherings in your area. Part of why this resource exists is so that two people don't unknowingly plan a howl one weekend apart in the same place, or at the same time, and wonder why they only have three attendees.
You may want to check and see what parts of the year people are on break, or have time off, etc. And keep in mind, other people will probably be planning stuff during times like Spring Break and summer. There's nothing wrong with overlap, and sometimes, people make it a point to go to one gathering, and then another one that's happening right after, but there's really not a lot of weres, and traditionally, most of us aren't made of money, so we often have to make hard decisions about which gatherings we attend.
If you haven't been to a Howl or other therian gathering before, consider attending one or more, before you try to host your own.
Decide how inclusive you want your gathering to be. Some Howls or gatherings are basically "Open" howls... where people can go to meet folks for the first time, or where attendance is not restricted. Others expect to know people a little better first, or have some specific goal or theme that's not for everyone. Remember though, if it's a private party, it's not a Howl!
Decide whether you can (or will) allow people under 18. It's a hard decision, because there's people under 18 who really deserve to attend a howl, and would benefit themselves and others by attending. I've met some of the finest people I know before they were 18, at Howls. But in some cases, you might want to consider whether there's legal or safety considerations. If some internet stalker sleazes their way into your Howl and hits on a minor, or a 16-year-old sneaks out without telling their parents and shows up at the Howl, or maybe falls off a rock and breaks a limb... remember... you (and maybe other attendees) will be responsible (ethically and/or legally) for that. If you allow minors, make sure that their parents are okay with it, for starters.
Decide whether to allow pets. Not surprisingly, many weres are pet owners. Sometimes, pets are welcome at a Howl, and sometimes, not (especially if it's in a place, like some parks, that doesn't allow them). Make sure people know whether it's okay or not. Sometimes, it ends up being a first-come, first-served basis, because not all pets will get along. I've been to at least one Howl where several people brought their dogs, and the dogs tried to eat each other. I've also been to many howls where people brought their wonderful, charming animal companions, and they were great and things were happy. Just make sure you decide this, and let people know.
Decide where your howl will be. Should be obvious, but you'd be surprised. Sometimes, it's harder than you think to find a place that has everything you need, or which people would like, in a Howl. Obviously, if you are hosting an event at your home, (heaven help you!), it's not an issue. Usually, Howls are held in a park, forest, or other wilderness area. You will want to consider things like how easy it is to find or get to, how far people will have to travel, whether it allows pets, campfires, vehicles, etc. You'll also probably want to consider finding a place where there's things to do, especially for a long howl. Hiking, museums, landmarks... whatever is good for your gathering. Some people have even hosted gatherings where a bunch of people rent a hotel room or three in a city, or camp out in someone's living room.
Decide if there's a specific goal or idea behind your gathering.
Is it a fun, social event? Is it primitive, back-to-nature, no-amenities camping? Is there a spiritual element, or were-specific stuff? Do you want the gathering to be primarily secular? I know of at least one good howl where people are told "leave that metaphysical mumbo-jumbo at home", and another one where the whole point is a focus on the spiritual aspects of being were. Some Howls are just intended to let people relax and meet others, while some are intended to help you get in touch with your "inner animal" by going out into total wilderness, where toilets look like bushes, and there's no place to plug in your CD-player.
Make backup plans, in case something goes awry. I've been to a couple of camping howls where we got in touch with Mother Nature because she tried to drown us with a hurricane, or where some unforeseen event meant that we couldn't use the place we'd planned on. (One howl had to move because the military was unexpectedly using the area for some kind of maneuvers!). Make sure there's some nice backup location, unless you have a really big living room! Some people have willingly offered their living rooms, but an alternate location might be more to your taste.
Consider the importance of knowing who's coming. It's great to say "here's a Howl" and see who shows up. However... there have been a couple of times when a stranger from the internet turned out to be undesirable. (Surprise!). It's a good idea to get to know the folks who might attend, or at least make sure other people know them. It's also a good idea to know who is definitely coming, and when they'll arrive, so that you'll know if someone's missing, or if there's a problem. For instance, at the SE Howl in the past, the ranger station is a couple of miles from the campsite, so it's good to know that someone's coming on a certain day and time, so someone can head up and meet them.
Figure out what people will need in order to attend. This can include things like tents, food and blankets, or it can include fees that a park might charge, or for planned events (For instance: The NC howl folks plan outings to amusement places and towns, so they let attendees know to bring money for rides, shopping, etc.)
Figure out how to handle food. Will there be community meals? Will everyone bring their own food? Do people need to chip in, or bring stuff to eat with? Does food need to be packed in all at once, or is there a place to buy food nearby?
Decide if, and what kind, of activities there will be at your howl. Will there be hiking? Camping? Movies? Fire circles? Drumming? Craft projects? Swimming? Yodeling? Are there attractions in the area, natural or man-made? Some howls host things like Sweat Lodges, or drum circles. Sometimes, folks just sorta sit around socialize, chat, etc. Most howls devote at least one evening to having some kind of round robin discussion about therianthropy, werenames, who people are and what they think, how they decided they were were... that sorta thing.
If you are hosting a Howl, be prepared to take on responsibility. This includes, but is not limited to, planning things out, making sure people know what's expected of them, and making sure there's a time, place, etc. This duty also sometimes includes the unpleasant business of asking someone to leave if they are creating a serious problem. Decide, in advance, how you will deal with it if someone shows up and is unexpectedly so obnoxious, dangerous, or troublesome that they are ruining things for others.
Some general suggestions and advice for Howl Attendees:
First off, and foremost, try to treat others with courtesy, respect, and good manners. That never hurts any social situation.
Make sure you can take care of yourself and your own needs, or alert people to special needs in advance. Don't "surprise" people by not having money to get food, or transportation, or whatever you know you are supposed to bring. Often, people will help cover costs for someone who can't afford things, but it's not fair for you to not make sure that's okay with them in advance.
Don't "surprise" people by bringing your cousin's five-year-old triplets, your barking dog, or that creepy hitchhiker you picked up.
Consider letting your family and friends know where you are, so they don't think you've been kidnapped and call the Highway patrol.
If you are a minor, don't show up at a Howl without your parent's knowledge, permission and consent.
Do not make unwanted advances towards people, or harass them, especially sexually.
Pay attention to the desires of the people around you. Some people in the community are very huggy-touchy-feely, and others tend to remove people's hands at the wrist or shoulder when touched without invitation. Before you decide to have a "scritchfest" on someone, make sure they want that.
Some people like to take pictures, or be in them. But make sure you have permission to take someone's picture, or especially post it somewhere public. Most people don't mind, but some people work in careers where they could suffer negative consequences if a co-worker or boss sees them hanging around with a bunch of "weird people who think they are animals". Other people may not want friends or family, or whoever to see them for whatever reason. Even if you don't like someone's reasons, you should not go taking their pictures without permission. Also, while it may seem "funny" or not make sense, at some gatherings there are things like sweat lodges or other spiritual things, where it's considered inappropriate to take pictures. It's not that they're "secret", but that they are sacred and tradition says that it's not appropriate to take pictures.
Starting fights, attacking other people's wereness, spirituality, or possible lack thereof is considered very rude and improper by pretty much anyone.
Respect other people's persons, belongings, privacy, and personal space.
Let people know you plan on attending, and when you will arrive and depart.
If you promise someone a ride, or anything else, or promise to bring some critical piece of equipment, try not to "flake" on people. Be responsible and make other arrangements if you promise something you really cannot do.
If someone has agreed to give you a ride to or from a gathering, or do you some other important favor, don't make it extra difficult for them, or tread on their good graces. Be where you say you will be, when you say you'll be there. I've known of one or two incidents where someone drove hundreds of miles out of their way to give another person a ride, only to discover that they'd gone elsewhere, gotten another ride, or did something else very rude.
Don't do stupid or obnoxious things that make other people have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Some howls don't allow liquor, and some do, but to my knowledge, there are no howls where it's okay to get drunk, act like a jerk, and throw up on someone's shoes. You'll find rapidly that weres tend to be a group of people to whom that behavior is especially aggravating.
Many howls are held in public parks, or even in people's homes. Respect the rules thereof. Don't do things that will get other people in trouble, like damage public property, or park in the Ranger's spot. Don't light fires where there is a fire ban, or throw trash on the carpet.
Don't show up at a howl and do illegal things that get folks in trouble.
Make sure that the people around you are okay with PDA's (public displays of affection) before you spend the whole time sticking your tongue in your significant other's ear.
If a howl is in a wilderness area, it may be because some people enjoy the wilderness. Make sure that it's not going to drive people crazy before you play your "Beastie Boys" CD, or pound your drums, or yak loudly on your constantly-ringing cell-phone. Sometimes, nobody minds, and sometimes, it makes them want to see if cell-phones, drums, or CD players fit into noses, ears, or other bodily orifices that receive less light.
Again, since many howls are in wilderness areas or parks, it's considered very bad form to leave trash and litter behind you, damage rocks, trees and benches, do graffiti or otherwise leave things worse than you found them. And yes... it's also considered bad form to leave a person's house a mess if they were nice enough to let you in.
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